Long Walk to Computer Science

Disclaimer: This is an application essay I wrote in 2001 when switching from communication studies to computer science. It's very naive and what not - I know that, so give me a break :-)

The graduate program coordinator, who is now my advisor, had a thing for Kurt Vonnegut. See if you can find 4(!) shameless hidden references to Vonnegut in this essay.

Who Am I This Time
I was a journalism student, a translator, a car salesman, an advertising man, a manager, and what not. I’ve tried several career paths, and I wasn’t really happy with any. However, I enjoyed bits and pieces of each field I went into. I like cars, so I pretended that I liked to be a car salesman, and I enjoyed it. Then I pretended that I liked being a manager, and I enjoyed it too. I pretended to like many things; all of them involved meeting people and shaking hands.

I never pretended to like computers. One way or the other, whatever I did, I always got myself involved with a computer. I didn’t have to force myself, or convince myself that I liked it. I enjoyed it quietly. In the background of meeting people and shaking hands.

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be,” – that’s what I read in one of my favorite books. I’m careful now.

So who am I this time? I’m a graduate student, completing my degree in public relations. I’m switching from public relations, sales, advertising, management, and what not – to computer science. I’m myself. Finally.

Displaced Career
I often ask myself the question, how did I get into what I do now? Accidentally is the answer. I never dreamed of being a journalist, but somehow I became a journalism student. I never dreamed of public relations. I even didn’t know the whole thing existed; and when I found out about it – I didn’t understand what it was, just like most people don’t.

However, public relations was fun to study, because it allowed a lot of personal freedom. One could study marketing, psychology, or graphic design – but it would still be considered public relations. I studied web development – and managed to convince everybody, including myself, that it was public relations. The truth is that the practice of public relations, especially at the entry level, often involves many different areas. Therefore, I could be writing, designing, or researching – and still be in the field of PR.

So, if I got myself into public relations accidentally – why did it take me such a long time to get out? If all this time I really enjoyed experimenting with my computer and the Web – why didn’t I switch fields before? Because it’s scary. Because I’ve been in PR for several years, and because many people in PR know who I am. It’s scary to start from the beginning, in a different field, when you’re 29 and your previous career mostly involved meeting people and shaking hands.

So What Makes Me A Computer Science Person?
I like to find out how things work. I like to make them work. Ever since I was a kid, I enjoyed experimenting with toys, then electricity, then my computer. In school, I liked mathematics and physics more than Russian and literature. Even being all the way in public relations, I somehow managed to become a rather skillful Web developer. The truth is, I’ve always been a technical person.

Liking computers is not the reason for which I’m going into computer science: it’s deeper than that. When asked what do I like to do most, or what I’m good at, I used to say that I like to organize things, to create systems and make them work. When I was young and stupid, I thought it was the manager’s voice calling in me. Now I know that it was the developer’s voice.

I like designing information systems and processes. I like to see my systems work. It can be several pages of simple code, or it can be a database-driven Web site. I build Web sites, but what I like most about it is writing the code and making it work. I’ve hand-coded more than 3000 Web pages in the past two years, and behind every single one of them there’s clean and efficient code.

So I’m going into computer science to learn how to build better Web sites, right? No. I’m going into computer science to change my professional life completely. It’s so exciting to think about it, but I don’t even know what I want to be: get a job in the business world, start my own company, or become a scientist. But what I know is that I’ve finally found something that makes me happy.

My Final Pitch
I was successful in public relations on the student level. I served on two student national committees, took part in coordinating a national conference, and received several awards. And still, I’m leaving – for a completely different field.

I’ve thought it through very well, and I know exactly what I want. I want to learn about how a computer works – from the very basics, I want to learn programming, I want to learn about artificial intelligence; I want to learn everything I can. I’m getting into my field rather late, and I want to catch up. And what’s most important – now I feel happy.